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June 12, 2006: Learn to let go"May I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
Reinhold Niebuhr, 1926
Probably when you get right down to it, all unhappiness in our lives stems from having difficulty with part one or part two of the above saying. When we find ourselves wishing for something different in our lives, it is worth asking ourselves whether or not what we are wishing for is something that is within our control.
If our wish is something that is not within our control, then it is perhaps best to accept what is, and let go of that desire. In the simplest of situations, it is a merely a matter of adjusting one's thinking. For example, if you are in a hurry and find yourself stuck in a traffic jam, the reality is there is nothing you can do to make traffic move more quickly no matter how hard you may wish otherwise. Tying oneself in emotional knots is not helpful nor healthful. Let go of the worry of being late. Instead, have the presence of mind to accept your current reality, and be at peace. The difference between being at peace and being extremely stressed comes down to the difference in how you think. Nothing has changed in terms of the physical reality of the situation, but the hormone and neurotransmitter response in your body will be radically different.
Letting go is a vital part of maintaining emotional health in the most difficult of times in our life. Life is forever changeable, never remaining the same, and it is certain that we will be parted from those we love either through a relationship ending, or through death. How we deal with these realities can mean the difference between health and disease. Hanging onto the past and not letting go can mess up hormone, neurotransmitter and peptide balance and over time this can create major problems in the body. So mourn, accept what is, say good bye, and let go.
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Katie, Byron Loving What Is Three Rivers Press, New York NY, 2002.