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June 18, 2006: Forgiveness"May I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change ..."
Continuing further with last week's topic of letting go, I think that sometimes forgiving someone for a previous transgression may be a necessary step in order to be able to let go of a painful event in the past that can't be changed. Forgiveness really isn't about making the other person feel better for harming us, although they may be very grateful to know they are forgiven. Forgiveness happens within ourselves alone. It is about getting rid of the pent up anger, sadness, fear, bitterness, disappointment, resentment, or other painful feelings that are stuck, churning inside ourselves, and possibly making us sick. There is no point to purposefully hanging on to the hurt and anger associated with being wronged for years and years. For example, if your spouse or lover left you for someone else, no doubt it hurts tremendously. But why keep hurting yourself by hanging onto that pain forever? Carrying that feeling of being wronged like a badge of honour may make you feel more righteous than the other person, but the venom inside is only harming you.
As in the past example, forgiving can be extremely difficult. If someone close to you was murdered, how is it possible to forgive the murderer? I am not suggesting that by forgiving a murderer that that person should be allowed to roam the streets. Forgiveness is about freeing ONESELF of negative feelings, letting go, and moving on.
Even in far less severe circumstances, being able to truly forgive is really hard. I find that wanting to let go and being able to let go are two very different things. For me it is easy to forgive on an intellectual level, but getting that shift to happen at the gut level is staggeringly difficult. When I want to interact with a particular person (and I do want to), I discover emotional blocks that seem to stop me in my tracks. Due to things that happened so long ago I hardly remember them, my nervous system and neuropeptide system have linked so much pain to this relationship that even today I can barely bring myself to communicate with this person let alone develop a loving relationship, which is very sad. This is not about the other person at all, anymore. Obviously, I haven't managed to forgive on an emotional level despite my best efforts, and it is hurting everyone involved including myself. So, where to go from here? I don't really know. I might try BodyTalk this week. I'm posting this to my blog today, so if any of you have found a way of successfully releasing these emotional blockages please do post a reply so we all might benefit.
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